Last Modified: Oct 18, 1995

Sign up now for Fall Classes!

SEMINARS FOR MALES

These courses will be prepared and presented by females.
  1. Combating Stupidity
  2. You, too, can do housework
  3. PMS -- Learn when to keep your mouth shut.
  4. How to fill an ice tray
  5. We do not want sleazy underthings for Christmas -- Give us money
  6. Understanding the female response to your coming in drunk at 4:00am
  7. Wonderful laundry techniques (formerly titled "Don't wash my silks")
  8. Parenting -- No, it doesn't end with conception
  9. Get a life -- learn to cook
  10. How not to act like an asshole when you're obviously wrong
  11. Spelling -- Even you can get it right
  12. Understanding your financial incompetence
  13. You -- The Weaker Sex
  14. Reasons to give flowers
  15. How to stay awake after sex
  16. Why it is unacceptable to relieve yourself anywhere but the bathroom
  17. Garbage -- Getting it to the curb
  18. You can fall asleep without "it" if you really try
  19. The morning dilemma if "It's" awake. Take a shower
  20. I'll wear it if I damn well please
  21. How to put the toilet lid down (formerly "No, it's not a bidet")
  22. "The weekend" and "sports" are not synonyms
  23. Give me a break! Why we know your excuses are bullshit
  24. How to go shopping with your mate and not get lost
  25. The remote control -- Overcoming your dependency
  26. Romanticism - Ideas other than sex
  27. Helpful postural hints for couch potatoes
  28. Mother-in-laws -- They are people, too
  29. Male bonding -- Leaving your friends at home
  30. You, too, can be a designated driver
  31. Seeing the true you (formerly "No, you don't look like Mel Gibson, especially when naked!")
  32. Changing your underwear -- It really works
  33. The Attainable Goal -- Omitting "TITS" from your vocabulary
  34. Fluffing the blankets after flatulating is NOT necessary
  35. Techniques for calling home

SEMINARS FOR WOMEN

These courses will be prepared and presented by males.
  1. "Are you ready to leave?" -- Definition of the word "yes"
  2. Appropriate rhetorical questions (Formerly "Honey, do I look fat?")
  3. Elementary Map Reading
  4. Crying and law enforcement
  5. Advanced Math Seminar -- Program your VCR
  6. You can go shopping for less than 4 hours
  7. Gaining five pounds vs. the end of the world: a study in contrast
  8. The Seven-Outfit Week
  9. PMS -- It's YOUR Problem, Not Mine (was: It's Happened Monthly Since Puberty -- Deal With It)
  10. Driving I: Getting past automatic transmission
  11. Driving II: The meaning of blinking red lights
  12. Driving III: Approximating a constant speed
  13. Driving IV: Makeup and Driving--It's As Simple As Oil and Water
  14. The Super Bowl: Not a Game--A Sacrament
  15. Telephone Translations (was: "Me too" equals "I Love You")
  16. How to Earn Your Own Money
  17. Gift-giving Fundamentals (was: Fabric Bad, Electronics/Tools Good)
  18. Putting the Seat Down By Yourself: Potential Energy is on Your Side
  19. Know When to Say When: The Limits of Makeup
  20. Beyond "Clean and Dirty": The Nuances of Wearable Laundry
  21. We forget birthdays, you forget sports stats: LET'S LET IT DROP
  22. MYOB: Proper response to other couple's public arguments
  23. Yes, You Can Buy Condoms (was: WE learned to deal with the embarrassment)
  24. Joys of the Remote Control: Reaping the Benefits of 50+ Channels
  25. What Goes Around Comes Around--Why His Credit Card is Not a Toy
  26. The Penis: His Best Friend Can Be Yours
  27. His Poker Games: Deal Yourself Out
  28. Commitment Schmittment (was: Wedlock Schmedlock)
  29. "To Honor and Obey:" Remembering the small print above "I Do"
  30. Why Your Mother Is Unwelcome In The House
  31. Your Mate: Selfish Bastard, or Victimized Sensitive Man-child Healing his Father Wound by Expressing the Latent Wild Man Within?
Hey! If you liked this, visit the
The SCROOMtimes
lots of new stuff we know you'll love!

Comments? Questions? Thoughts on the meaning of life? Let me know!

copyright © 1995 Andrew Wallace