Volume 3, Number 2
February, 1998
Skippy feels the Love
Hey kids!
Skippy is with you once again. It's February folks and I think
we all know what that means...that's right, the month after January! No,
that isn't it at all. February means Valentine's Day, the day when
extortion is made legal. The day that prostitution becomes not only
accepted but encouraged for twenty-four hours. The day when...well I
think that all of my valued regular readers know how the ol' Skipster
feels about this quasi-holiday. If you aren't a regular reader and you
don't know how I feel about V-day then what the hell is the matter with
you? Do you think I have nothing better to do than bring every other
mouth breather that wanders across my column up to speed on the goings
on within the Skip Army? Screw you pal, read the
archives, I have a life, I don't have
time for your crap.
Gee that felt good, I really ought to vent more often. At any rate, you
are all probably wondering how I plan on skewering the big V-day this
year. Well I'm sorry to disappoint but this season I'm along for the
ride. I won't be buying anyone flowers or anything like that, but I do
plan to honor the day in my own special way. As many of you already know
(and as for the rest of you...don't get me started) I am something of a
pop culture aficionado. OK, pop culture whore is probably more apt but
this is a family column. With that in mind I decided to scour the ol'
memory banks and provide you the finest romantic moments in television
history.
Now before we get started I feel I ought to explain to you what I mean
by romantic moments. I'm not just talking about "boy gets girl" type
stuff here. I am talking about moments with some raw emotional power, be
it joy or agony. Because let's face it, anyone that tells you romance
doesn't involve bucketloads of pure, unadulterated emotional pain is
deluded and just possibly a danger to himself and others. Sure it also
provides you moments of sheer joy, but you have to be wet before you can
be really dry, know what I mean? So without further ado, let's curl up
on the couch, grab the remote and get us some romance...
Moment #1
The all-time best romantic moment was the Alex & Ellen double
episode from Family Ties. It starts with Alex choosing his girlfriend
from the Freshman directory (this episode also features Alex expounding
on the theory of the "girl store" which I heartily endorse). It ends
nearly sixty minutes later with Alex professing his love for Ellen in a
train station in Pennsylvania (yours' truly lifted large parts of Alex's
dialogue in this one to propose to his sig oth, I still don't think
she's aware of that. Thank God she doesn't read this mag.) This moment
features what is probably Michael J. Fox's career highpoint as an actor.
His portrayal of a man who is forced to break out of his personality at
gunpoint to be with the one he loves is amazing. By the way, she leaves
him to go to Paris the following season. Pain and pleasure, folks.
Moment #2
The number two romantic moment is the one where Ross & Rachel
get back together from Friends. In this one Rachel is pissed at Ross for
pretty much the whole season because he made up a list of the pros and
cons of dating her (a very sensible move actually). The gang gathers to
view some old home videos of Monica's and Rachel's Senior prom, while
Ross looks distinctly uncomfortable. In the video Rachel's date doesn't
show up and Ross's parents convince him to take Rachel to the prom
instead. He gets all dolled up only to find that Rachel's date has
arrived and they are on their way out the door. The home video ends with
a shot of Ross in his dad's tux on the steps with a look that only David
Schwimmer has. Cut back to the friends' apartment and Ross is on his way
out the door, that is until Rachel jumps up, runs across the room and
plants one on him, fade to black. What makes this one work is that the
network didn't even advertise it. The buildup was around the humor of
the videos. You had no idea that they were going to get back together in
this episode. This is a lesson that Caroline in the City might consider
learning.
Moment #3
This one comes from thirtysomething. It features Gary,
golden-haired playboy and all around babe magnet falling in love...and
blowing it sky high. It seems that just before he meets The One, he has
a fling with a married woman. She pulls a Fatal Attraction on him much
to his dismay. The One hears a message on his answering machine (guys,
never, ever, under any circumstances play your messages while a woman
you are dating is in the room.) from the psycho married lady and goes
ballistic. She storms out with Gary trailing behind and roars away in
her car. But not before she lets Gary know that she did indeed love him
and he could have had everything he ever wanted if only he could have
made the commitment. The show ends with our pal Gary standing in the
snow, staring after her car, muttering "but I did" over and over again.
The beauty of this one is that she never came back, they were never
reunited, and he died in a car accident a couple of season's later
without ever having another chance. The lesson being that unlike on TV,
when a relationship is broken in real life it is just broken, move on
from it. Yes, I know that this actually happened on TV but you get my
point, pinhead.
Well there you have it folks, the top three romantic moments in TV
history. I can hear some of you whimpering, "What about Moonlighting or
Cheers?" To you I can only say, "Shut up you pathetic morons, you're
opinion is not only uninformed but unwanted." Have a happy Valentine's
Day.
