Volume 3, Number 11
November, 1998
What with it being November and all, I thought it might be nice to let all of you know what I am most thankful for. Besides, it's really kind of a no-brainer column to write. I give you a page or two of sentimental tripe and you believe that I have a soul. This way everybody wins. So let's get right down to it and revel in the:
I am thankful that I can still walk the streets without being constantly hounded for autographs. The SkipArmy is respectful of my privacy and I appreciate it.
I am thankful that the 'times hasn't posted my picture anywhere in the mag as yet, just in case I'm wrong about the 'army.
I am thankful for Thanksgiving, food, football, quality beer, not much more that you can ask from a holiday really.
I am thankful for the adoring public that makes up the SkipArmy. I couldn't do this every month without the faith you place in me. OK, I actually could, but who would read it and bask in my wisdom if not for all of you mouthbreathers.
I am thankful for women. Not any particular women (well maybe Hudson Leick, Renee Zellwegger and Courtney Cox) but just women in general. They're better looking, smarter and smell better than men. Aside from the whole psychosis thing, they are pretty much perfect.
I am thankful for my health. Considering the hell I've put my body through over the past few years I wake up every day amazed that I am awake.
I am thankful for Football. In a crazy world with little to count on, it's comforting to know that I am going to get 4 NFL games a week.
I am thankful for the Boston Red Sox, win, lose or draw, they gave the Red Sox Nation something to cheer about in what was supposed to be an off year.
I am thankful for Autumn. Summer is a great season and all, but there is just something great about that first cold day when you can put the flannels back on the bed and light up the old fireplace for the first time.
I am thankful that it isn't Christmas yet, cause I really couldn't handle that right now.
I am thankful for my family, they haven't bothered me in years and I really appreciate it.
I am thankful that Americans have figured out how to brew beer again. I don't know if any of you remember the bad old days of American beer drinking, but there was a time when we considered Michelob good beer.
I am thankful that God saw fit to start Hockey season, the baseball play-offs and Football season in the fall. Yeah, he blew it by throwing Basketball in there, but hey, this year we have lockout.
I am thankful that I was born a man. I couldn't handle being a woman, too much peripheral crap to put up with, like men.
I am thankful that I didn't have to write a real column this month.
I am thankful for network television. I know, I know, most of it is a load of crap and hardly worth watching. But it is free and it has provided us with "friends", "The Drew Carey Show", "The Simpsons", "Spin City" and a host of other fine shows that are out there each and every year.
I am thankful for Cable television. At any given time, there is a rerun of your favorite show on somewhere. That my friends is the glory of Cable TV. That, and the fact that you can always find scantily clad young women somewhere on the dial. (hint: try Spanish Language TV)
I am thankful for the UberGrrlz. I simply don't know what my world would be like if they were not in it.
I am thankful for Tommy Boy and Black Sheep. You left too soon Chris, but at least you left us with two of the funniest movies of the decade.
I am thankful for The Wedding Singer. It's nice to see that someone is still able to make a nice, mindless, early-eighties romantic comedy that doesn't try to teach you anything.
I am thankful that I live in the San Francisco Bay area. Great weather, one of the finest cities in the world, loads of attractive, intelligent women and representation in every major sport.
And lastly, I am thankful that after nearly three years, I am still allowed to write this column every month. Who knows, eventually I might even get paid for it and can quit my day job.
Though I am thankful for that day job.
