Volume 2, Number 11
December, 1997
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The Eleven Commandments of Football Fandom
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by Your SCROOMers |
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As any football fan (read "American male") knows, NFL football is more
than a sport. It is, in fact, a religion. With it's own rituals, it's
pantheon of saints, indeed even it's own gods. What many don't realize
is that football in fact has it's own set of commandments. Little known
of to the nonbelievers and the dilettantes. Inscribed on the bottom of
the Lombardi Trophy are the holy words of the football world. Now, in
order to spread the light and the joy that is the NFL, our crack staff,
through great personal sacrifice and tribulation, have procured these
commandments and now release them to you...our loyal readers...worship
well.
- Thou shalt have no other sports before me.
- Thou shalt honor the Sabbath
- Thou shalt honor thy team and thy conference
- Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's quarterback
- Thou shalt not have false allegiances and unsightly uniforms
- Thou shalt not leap upon the bandwagon
- Thou shalt not wager against thine own team
- Thou shalt not abandon one's team
- Thou shalt not wear thine enemies' garb
- Thou shalt not advocate punting on fourth and one
- Thou shalt not hate the Green Bay Packers