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The Professor - A Hockey Commentary
The best hockey players from the greatest hockey nation in
the world showed up at the San Jose Arena Wednesday night and
dazzled the sellout crowd enroute to a 7-5 win over the Canadian
National Team.
Well, OK, so maybe I'm over-reacting here. Maybe Canada is
not quite ready to pass the torch of hockey dominance to their
admittedly self-absorbed neighbors to the South. This is, after
all, only an exhibition and therefore not really a fair indicator
of who's who and what's what in the world of hockey, right?
WRONG! Listen, this was supposed to be Canada's ice-bound
version of the Dream Team, and we all know what would have
happened if our Dream Team had lost a game, even an exhibition
game. We're talking national pride here! Don't tell me that all
over Canada right now there aren't a helluva lot of calendars
with August 31 circled in bright red. That's when these two
teams meet again, only this time its for real. Unlike Wednesday
night's game, which was your typical meaningless, lackadaisical,
ho-hum exhibition game featuring only a dozen or so major
skirmishes and a few all-out brawls. You think this game didn't
mean anything? Just ask the USA's Keith Tkachuk, who had the
importance of the game rather clearly explained to him by
Canada's Brendan Shanahan late in the third period with the USA
up 6-3. Or Bill Guerin, who was having a similar exchange of
views with Canada's Keith Primeau at the exact same time when
Claude Lemieux interjected his opinion in the small of Guerin's
back. (Coincidentally, Lemieux also happens to be the NHL
teammate of Guerin, a fact which apparently has been set to the
side in the interest of national pride.)
All national rivalries aside, one thing this game points out
is the gains that have been made in hockey over the past ten
years. Hockey is more popular than ever in the US and is even
beginning to eat into the fan base of it's chief American rival,
football.
Why only football and not, say baseball or
basketball? Simple, baseball is a summer sport and therefore
does not compete directly with Hockey for fans while basketball
sucks.
OK, so maybe that's not entirely fair. Basketball is
wonderful sport as long as you're a seven-foot pituitary freak
who loves to jam a ball through a hoop and pose. Face it, hockey
will never eat into basketball's fan base because, for the most
part, hockey fans are not basketball fans and basketball fans are
not hockey fans.
So how does hockey stack up against the American competition?
Let's break it down category-by-category.
| HOCKEY HAS
| FOOTBALL HAS
| WINNER
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a puck
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pigskin.
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Football -
ever try to spike a puck?
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"third man in" rule.
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bench-clearing brawls.
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Hockey -
nothing like a man-to-man slugfest
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icing.
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intentional grounding
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Tie - both sound silly
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a penalty box
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penalty flags
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Hockey - actually I'd like to see football use this
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the Stanley Cup
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the Superbowl
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Football - Superbowl Sunday, the holiest day of the year
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goals
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touchdowns
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Hockey -
at least every goal isn't followed by the Solid Gold Dancers' reunion tour
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SJ Sharkie
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cheerleaders
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Football - no contest
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zamboni
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marching bands
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Hockey - there is an almost zen-like quality to zambonis
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Canadiens' fans
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Bronco fans
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Football - when I see drunken hockey fans parading around half-naked in
a blizzard I may change my vote
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pampered millionaires
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pampered mega-millionaires
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Hockey - but hockey is on it's way
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labor strife
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labor strife
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Tie
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power plays
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two minute drills
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Football - football doesn't have to remove a defensive player to make it
interesting
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the all-star break
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Thanksgiving games
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Football - sorry, but there is no greater sporting joy than to eat
turkey until the chair gives way beneath you, then roll into the
living room and watch six hours of football
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So the final tally is...let's see...aha! Football wins, 6-5
with 2 ties. Bear in mind, this is a totally unscientific survey
and the Professor understands that, under different circumstances
and different interpretations, football could well have beaten
hockey even worse.
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